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I will be positive and happy to everyone I meet, especially ppl at school.

I will graduate from my course with a gold star and high marks.

I will fall in love with a wonderful beautiful woman that loves me and herself.

I will have the house, job, money, and friends I want.

I am grateful for my family.

I am grateful for the kindness of the people in my life.

I am grateful for the food I eat and the roof over my head.

I am grateful for all the life lessons Iapos;ve learned and continue to learn.

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It seems orientation issues are affecting me more this year than in others. I am the sort that sits around waiting for things to happen. Sadly, they often donapos;t. Or rather do in a way undesired and unwanted.


It comes to tick to torture and kills, with relish and it licks, your virgin blood to impure fills. Slicking and reeks of souls meals. Pollute you with hatred, to churning ashes or pumping clawing terror thatapos;s all so sacred. Suffocated you like perfumed whore, penetrate you bare and naked, infiltrate you in shallow core. A sententious curse, fouls breadth and width. A tunnel of hell wanting to burst. As to envision us that�hiss seethe, with eternity of crimping thirst, a valley of selfish desire of rift. My humanity, my sanity, my hearse. A dark lone thought can disfigure the owns, light we have sought, fire that burns all alone.

In the end, its my end.

koped this off the mindef e forums. Lolz, its amusing to see some of the gems that can be found in there.

2 years on, and the army is killing or rather, has killed my writing faculties.

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Appearing on Letterman today Tina Fey talked about being Sarah Palin.� "Not since 'Sling Blade' has there been a voice that anybody can do...anybody can take a swing at this voice," Fey said.� Palin will be a guest this Saturday night.� What's the secret to channeling the Alaskan Governor?� Fey described it as, "a little bit `Fargo,' it's a little bit Reese Witherspoon in `Election."'

The Associated Press has more:� "She explained to Letterman other ways she captures Palin's distinctive speaking style: dropping g's and loading sentences with r's."� "She's digging those r's," Fey said. "I think she thinks there's oil in those r's -- she is digging deep"� As spoof made way for reality, Gov. Palin was scheduled to appear on "SNL" Saturday. There was no word on whether Fey would be on hand."

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Once your in the lifestyle, you donapos;t have to find it. It finds you.
Even on an innocent night out, with potentially no way for it to happen, short on cash or whatever, it always finds a way into your lap.
Someone says it, someone else thinks it, and then as per usual someone finds it. Usually, I do the finding for I know the right types.
Then, you spend the next three hours talking and rambling about greater things in life. Then spend another four in solitude, staring at the roof because sleep wont come for you. All that you have to welcome you into the night is the sound of your own racing heart.

Such is life.
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I cant seem to understand myself and the feeling I have right now. I just canapos;t get things out of my head. Every time I feel the pain I inflicted myself, I hide a quiver and then just laugh it off away. After that one sunny yet dreadful afternoon, I seemed to always play a pretense so just to hide the wrecking pain. And until now, nobody knows what had happened on that awful day. They say that time can heal any hurt and pain. But then why in my case does time make the pain grow within me? And even the hate i have for myself is crawling beneath my skin already.

I put it all in a bottle where no one can pour my worries in their cups.
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